Korean Airlines is the fussiest airline in the world, at least in my book. I will prefix this by saying I like Korean Air, just I wish they’d treat their passengers a bit more like grown ups and less like five-year-olds.
It all starts before the plane has left gate with the first of many announcements, please sit in your assigned seat; place your bags in the overhead or seat in front of you (except in business for some strange reason even though there is a huge cut out under the next seat); fasten your seat belt; please watch the safety video…
Ah yes, the safety video, this is getting to be the part of the journey that doesn’t go fast enough though I’m learning to tune it out now. They really push the limit on laboring a point, like showing the safety buckle being fastened three times (animated and by stoic actors) and rather than ‘approved electronic devices’ it’s ‘mp3 player, cd player, dvd player, computer…’. And if you’re really lucky (say flying between Korea and China) you’ll get to see if twice with a mix of three spoken or subtitled languages (Korean, English and Chinese). I’m sure it makes taxiing slower than any other airline since you can’t take off until it’s ended – it’s really enough to make you want to jump out the exit door there and then.
Sit in an exit row and it gets worse – I was in coach on a 737 once and the flight attendant comes over and forces the safety card into my hands saying ‘it is your duty to assist me in case of an emergency – please read this card to better understand your duties’ – he had a bit of a lisp too which really added to the moment. For the guy next to me (who I guess was Korean) though he just said two words – maybe they think us foreigners aren’t that smart – oh the irony(1)… This guy was particularly funny as when letting me know he had my vege meal announced ‘I have a vegetable meal with some milk products – I will bring it for you’.
Now back to the announcements – these continue ad nauseam throughout the flight. Make sure all your documents are in order; the duty free is now open; the duty free is now closed and the best of all ‘ turbulence’ which I’ll come back to in a moment. What makes this all the worse is of course they interrupt the in flight entertainment and again, on a flight involving Chinese speakers you get an interrupt for the Korean then it starts again, another interrupt for English, then a delay and then an interrupt for the Chinese (which seem to be prerecorded usually). Luckily their entertainment system actually works through take off and landing (so long as you aren’t in a bulkhead) otherwise finishing a movie on a two hour flight would be impossible.
There’s also the occasional pilot announcement of course telling you about flying time, weather and temperature at the destination, why we’re delayed, we’re about to land etc. etc.
Ok, onto turbulence. The slightest bump and on come the seat belt signs. But that’s not enough – there’s then an announcement to say we’re experiencing turbulence, return to your seats, yada, yada, yada. If very bumpy they’ll add stop using the lavatories and really really bumpy and the captain will ask the crew to return to their seats. Given the sometimes transitory nature of turbulence though, it’s often already stopped by the end of the announcements. And if you are in the lavatory they will bang on the door until you come out.
My favorite WTF turbulence moment was when I’d got out of my seat to get something from the overhead. I sat down in an empty seat to work on my case – I’d just got it open when an attendant came by to say you can’t sit there so I had to explain it’s just while I work on my case. A minute or so later and I’d finished as was about to put it up again when – turbulence hits – and the attendants run over and say you must sit down. I was tempted to say ‘shall I just leave the case here in the aisle then to fly around by itself’. By the time I’d got it back up, there were three attendants on me, who did profusely thank me once I’d sat down again and buckled up.
(1) It’s probably obvious but you know how people (ok, Americans mainly) tend to think foreigners are dumb and just speaking loudly in English will somehow get through to them? Well I guess it is a global prejudice…